Tag Archives: Love

Another Birthday Without My Dad (An Open Letter to My Superman)

by

Dear Dad,

I don’t blog as much as I used to. I think I wrote you a letter last year. Here I am again, writing once more. I love you so much. I miss you more than words can describe. You were (and continue to be) my best friend. I would give anything to hear another one of your stories or one of your cringiest jokes or one of your pranks. Man, you were the best at pranking me. I did get you back a few times, but you were a pro at it. It is difficult for me to think that this is my 6th birthday since you left for your heavenly home.

Your steadfast faith in Christ Jesus and your compassionate care for others continues to encourage me to this day. You always taught me to use my faith for good in this world. You instilled in me that everyone is made in God’s image. You reminded me constantly to always defend anyone I see being mistreated. You were what one of my favorite professors, Dr. Mike Stroope, called a “pilgrim witness.” You showed people the gospel of Christ through your words and your actions. As imperfect as I may be, I try my best to live out the faith you instilled in me.

I wish you could have opened presents with the family last week. I wish you could have decorated cookies and watched movies with us. I wish I could tell you all the wonderful things that happened this past year. Whenever we would talk, you always listened to every word I had to say. So, let me tell you about this year.

After graduating from seminary in May of 2023, I worked in retail for a short period of time before substitute teaching again. In January of this year, I returned to the classroom as a public-school teacher. Every day, I try to care for my students as much as you cared for yours when you were a teacher. I miss your stories of your students. I felt like I knew so many kids I never met because you told me so much about them.

I wish I could introduce you to all the students who bless me with their presence in my classroom by telling you stories about them. In the Spring semester of this year, I taught freshmen and junior level English. We read poetry by Maya Angelou and Seamus Heaney. We read short stories. They wrote essays and stories themselves that made me smile. In my junior classes, we read Fahrenheit 451. Many of my students did not enjoy it as much as I did. I wasn’t sure if any of them did. Last month, however, one of my favorite students told me that she missed my classroom. That was her favorite book! Also, I did pull a few practical jokes on them. You would have been proud!

This school year, I am once again teaching freshmen English. They wrote short stories and had a dramatic reading of Romeo and Juliet. When they return from the holidays, we will do poetry! This year, I am also teaching ESL classes to students who have immigrated from so many different countries. They are some of the sweetest kids you could ever meet. They smile, tell jokes, and they love sharing about their cultures, of Ramadan and Day of the Dead. When I learn phrases to say in their languages, they smile. Hopefully I’m saying everything correctly, but they know I’m trying!

I care so deeply for all my students just as you cared for yours. Some of my current and former students play football, basketball, and volleyball. I try to attend as many games as I can to cheer them on. One of my former students is the star player on our girls’ basketball team. Another student was so thrilled I attended his football game. Another invited me personally to her volleyball game as her favorite teacher for a teacher appreciation event. I get to see the joy in other students in my weekly after-school, student-led Bible study. So many students have ministered to me and made me realize I am where God has called me to be.

But that’s not all that happened this year. I continued to preach some here and there, at Oak Grove, Seventh & James, and a few other places too! In May, I preached at Seventh & James about seeing the image of Christ in our neighbors. One of my favorite professors, Dr. Stephanie Boddie, came to hear me preach! She is amazing. You would have loved meeting her! And of course, you would have loved Seventh & James Baptist. I also preached at Oak Grove Cumberland Presbyterian about caring for our neighbors. I shared with them all the amazing things I did this summer.

Which leads me to this past summer. Through a dear friend from UMHB and Truett, I was connected with Be The Neighbor, a service organization that helps church groups learn how to be good neighbors in their communities through acts of love, service, and justice. I spent a week training for the summer at TCU. I know, I know, we’re Baylor fans. But it’s okay. They accepted me into the group anyways. One of them even told me that I was the only Baylor Bear they would ever make an honorary Horned Frog. Now, I find myself rooting for their team, unless they are playing Baylor of course! They are amazing, and TCU is a wonderful campus of wonderful people!

During the summer after the training, I spent time in Fort Worth and Dallas, working with some amazing churches, with a lot of Kansas Jayhawks fans, learning how we can be the hands and feet of Christ among those most vulnerable in society. We volunteered at urban gardens, food pantries, diaper banks, and a Boys and Girls Club. We explored how we can best advocate for asylum seekers, refugees, those facing homelessness, and those who don’t know where their next meal will come from.

Throughout that summer, and still now as I am in the classroom, I have learned how we as ambassadors for the gospel can better follow the Apostle Paul’s command to imitate Christ Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). We imitate Christ Jesus when we advocate for our neighbors. And as Dr. David Garland taught me in seminary, there are no non-neighbors! Whether in the classroom, behind the pulpit, or volunteering in the DFW-area, I have thought of how we can—as my new friend, Rev. Allison Lanza, puts it— “pursue a world God dreams of.”

Gosh, there’s so much more I want to share with you. I want to tell you about my friends, Tyler and Alexis, Trevor and Alia, and their beautiful weddings. I want to tell you all about Truett’s African American Preaching Conference, where I finally met the one and only Rev. Cokiesha Bailey Robinson. I want to tell you about Fellowship Southwest’s Compassion & Justice Conference, where I heard from my friend, Mariah Humphries, share about her passion for Indigenous justice. I want to tell you about my new friends at Royal Lane Baptist, of Victoria, Patsy, Cookie, and others. I want to tell you how so many ministers of the gospel this year, including some of my closest friends at Truett (Jordann, Jessalyn, Zach, Dmitri, Madison, Scott, Bryce, Emily, Ryan, Dylan, Matt, Kyle, and Hannah, just to name a few), continue to teach me how to be the neighbor. I want to tell you more about my amazing students and the joy the bring me each day. I want to tell you how my family uplifts me in every phone call, text, and visit. I want to remind you of how awesome your parents, my grandparents, are!

I wish I could tell you all this in person. I wish I could just see your smile again, even if for just a few seconds. But I know I will see you again. The faith you shared with me assures me of this. I look forward to seeing you someday in the presence of Christ Jesus. What a day that will be! Until then, I will press on and continue to run the race set before me. Until we meet again, see you later, Superman. I am proud to forever be your son.

With love,

Joshua

Four years without you: An open letter to Dad…

by

Dear Dad,

It’s been well over a year since I posted to this site, and of course, my last blog was about you. Today is a difficult day. Four years ago today, I held your hand one last time and sang songs to you, songs we used to listen to together.

My last post here, from October 11, 2022, what would have been your 56th birthday, was about prayer. Oh, how I wish we could pray together in this moment. I miss hearing you pray. I miss holding your hand as we prayed each night. I miss hearing your voice wake me up when I forgot so that we could pray together.

I miss a lot of things. I miss your smile. I miss your laughter. I miss your practical jokes, so many practical jokes at my expense. I’m laughing just thinking about them while also in tears. I miss your joy. You had such joy that you loved to share with those around you. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, you were always there to offer advice or to just listen. Even in the quiet stillness, your presence encouraged me more than words could express.

I wish I were not writing this open letter. I wish I had no reason to write this. I wish you were here. I would give anything to spend just one more day with you. I could tell all the things that have happened in the last four years.

I made so many friends at Truett Seminary. I wish I could introduce each one to you. I would tell you what fine ministers I know they are becoming. I would tell you how much each of them encourage me. I wish you could hear my friends Jordann, Jessalyn, Arnelle, Ralph, Madison, and Dmitri preach. I know you’d be the first one to encourage them to keep preaching the gospel. I wish you could share jokes with Kyle and me. You always had the best jokes.

I wish you were here to talk football with my friends Dylan and Matt. I know you would have many thoughts to share. I wish you were here to see my friends Torrence and Leah joyfully lead others in worship. You always loved singing hymns with me. I wish you could see Scott’s artwork knowing how much you loved seeing Granny’s art each day.

I wish you could meet Zach, my former roommate. I wish you could hear this gifted orator explain the gospel with such clarity and passion. I wish you could meet such a dear friend who means the world to me. I wish you could meet all these friends and more.

I also wish you could have visited Seventh & James Baptist Church, a church filled with amazing people I love dearly. I wish you could meet Matt and Erin. I know you would have expressed gratitude to them for mentoring your boy in ministry. I wish you could share puns with Dann and me. I wish you could see the ties Don has given me. I wish you could have gone to the Baylor Women’s game with Stan, Carolyn, and me.

I wish you could meet Dan and Sharon, a kind couple who have invited me into their home, cared for me when I had surgery, fed me more times than I can count, and loved me as if they were another set of grandparents to me. I wish you could meet Naymond and Carolyn, John and Dawn, Katie, Bill, Leslie, Carmen, Daryle and Robbie, Kent and Emily, and so many others who mean the absolute world to me.

I wish you could join us for hymn sings, potlucks, and Wednesday night gatherings. I wish you could hear our choir use their amazing voices to praise the name of God in unison. I wish you could meet our church’s youth, guided by our youth amazing minister, Scott, my dear friend whose art would make you go, “WOW!” I wish you could see the passion that these young teens have in caring for the world around them. I wish you could see how much they desire to share Christ’s radically inclusive love with others. I know they would inspire you as they have inspired me.

I wish I could tell you all I have learned, how I have grown in my faith and knowledge of Scripture. I wish you could meet Dr. Howard, Dr. Arterbury, Dr. Stroope, Dr. Tucker, Dr. York, Dr. Homeyer, Dr. Poe Hays, Dr. Boddie, Dr. Alcántara, and so many others who have encouraged me to be a better ambassador for Christ. I wish you could meet Nancy, Nancy, Jenn, Melissa, Emma, Jo Ann, and so many other staff members at Truett who made me smile every day. I wish you could have met Ruby and Bridgette who constantly encouraged my preaching. I wish you had been able to cheer me on as I earned my Master of Divinity.

I wish you could celebrate with me in a few days when I turn 30! I wish you could see the minister I am becoming. I wish you could hear me preach at small churches around central Texas. I wish you could meet the wonderful people I’ve met along the way, especially my friends at Oak Grove Cumberland Presbyterian Church who have shown me so much kindness as they continually affirm my calling to preach. I wish you could meet Don and Sherry and thank them for the ways they have been kind to your son.

There is so much I wish I could have shared with you these past four years. And yet, because of you, because of the faith you passed on to me, I have hope. I have hope that we will see each other again. It is a hope that carries me through difficult days like today. I have hope because you always reminded me that Christ Jesus gives us this hope.

I look forward to the day we will see each other again. What a day that will be! As the writer of Revelation reminds me, on that day, “God will wipe away every tear” (Rev. 7:17 NKJV). Until we meet again, see you later, Superman. I love you, with all my heart, beyond description.

And just as I did at your funeral, I’ll end by saying these words since the last movie we watched was Avengers: Endgame. Dad, I love you 3000!

Your son,

Joshua

What a Day That Will Be by Jim Hill

I Found the Answer by Mahalia Jackson

What a Glorious Day That Will Be!

by

Today is an unbelievably challenging day. Today would have been Dad’s 55th Birthday, and it is now his second in heaven. I believe with my entire being that on December 24, 2019, Dad was resurrected into new life and is celebrating eternity with Christ Jesus.

For this, I am thankful. I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. Instead, he is rejoicing. He is proclaiming the name of Jesus. And he is seeing sights that I can only imagine in my finite earthly mind. I look forward to the day when I see my Dad again, and ultimately, when I see the face of Jesus. As I sang in the homily that I delivered at his funeral more than a year and a half ago, in the words of Jim Hill,

What a day that will be

When my Jesus I shall see

And I look upon his face

The one who saved me by his grace

When he takes me by the hand

And leads me through the Promised Land

What a day, glorious day that will be!

Until that day, I will rejoice that Dad is in his eternal home, and I will constantly reflect upon the fond memories of a quarter century of time spent with Dad.

And yet, grief is still ongoing. It is still so extremely difficult. Coupled with the anxiety and depression I have experienced throughout my life, there are days when I simply want to do absolutely nothing. There are days that overwhelm me to where I feel as though the entire world is crushing my bones.

If you are reading this, and you are struggling with grief, anxiety, depression, etc., please know that your mental health is important. I am learning and striving to take better care of my mental health. Please know how important this is. Care for your mental health. God certainly cares about it. You should too.

I find one thing that helps me is sharing my journey, one that is rooted in the foundation of Christ Jesus. Yes, I have bad days. And yet, I still have joy. Even in the midst of everything Dad went through in his battle with cancer, he would always remind me of the joy that he had. I am thankful that Dad gave me a love of Scripture, gospel music, serving others, and the joy that can be found in Jesus. It is this joy that gets me through days like today.

Several weeks ago, at Seventh and James Baptist, a church I have absolutely fallen in love with the past few years, Dr. Angela Gorrell, a professor at Truett Seminary, shared with us about her new book, The Gravity of Joy. That night she shared parts of her personal story in which she found joy while researching joy. I highly recommend the book, even though I haven’t even started it yet, and I promise you that it is on my to-do list. Her story was an encouragement to me that even in the darkest moments in our lives, we can find joy.

So, why do I have joy?

For me, the answer is simple (at least it seems that way in my mind). Jesus Christ gives me this joy. I have joy because of a savior who was crucified so that I might have eternal life. I have joy, because while life right now might be challenging, I know that my savior defeated death, and I know that I will see Dad again, and most importantly, I will one day see Jesus Christ face-to-face.

I have joy because my earthly Dad showed me what it means to have joy even when times were tough, especially when times were tough. I have joy because of the memories of Dad that God allows me to reflect upon. Dad would often go to great lengths to encourage someone and make their day better (as he did for me countless times). Whether it was his coworkers and students during his years in Special Education, friends of his at various stages of his life, or close family members, I have lost track of all the stories of the goofy things he would do to bring a smile to someone’s face.

I have joy because of the faith I have in Christ Jesus, a faith Dad imparted on me for nearly 26 years, and even after his passing, I am still encouraged by his faith. I also have joy because my grandparents continue to encourage and uplift me. Whenever I need someone to talk to, the first person I call is my Nana, and she will of course let me know if I go a day without giving her a call. The presence of family members across Texas and in Indiana also gives me joy.

I have joy because I am surrounded by so many wonderful people in Waco and beyond. My Seventh and James family, especially, Erin, Matt, and Scott, encourage me more than they’ll ever know. My Truett family consists of so many professors, staff members, and fellow students (including my awesome roommate, Zach) who bring a smile to my face constantly, especially when I can share puns with Dr. Grear Howard. That man is a legend and a phenomenal witness of the gospel. I have also recently become a part of a group of friends in which we study God’s Word each week and occasionally spend time outside of Bible study by playing games and watching football. There are so many more reasons, in addition to these, as to why I have joy.

There are two other moments, specifically at Truett, that have recently reminded me of this joy I have. Two weeks ago, Truett hosted the African American Preaching Conference. It was a wonderful few days of amazingly gifted preachers who proclaimed God’s Word. One of the highlights for me was a sermon preached by Rev. Dr. Ralph Douglas West.

In his sermon, he emphasized 1 Corinthians 2:1-2. Here it is in the NRSV:

“When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified.”

He reminded us that it’s easy to preach Jesus Christ. Doing so is quite popular. What is more challenging, but absolutely required of us, is that we preach not only Jesus Christ, but Jesus Christ, and him crucified.

It is because of a crucified and risen savior that I have joy in the midst of trials and challenges in my life. It is because of a crucified and risen savior that I can make it through days like today. It is because of a crucified and risen savior that I want my life to be one that lifts others up and advocates for others just as Dad did in his life.

The last moment I will share with you was last Tuesday in chapel. One of the songs in which my friend and fellow seminarian, Leah, led us in was “Give Me Jesus.”

I was emotional then, and as I have downloaded the song on iTunes and have listened to it repeatedly this past week, I’m still emotional. Here are some of the words:

In the morning, when I rise

In the morning, when I rise

In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus.

You can have all this world,

Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,

When I am alone,

When I am alone,

Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus.

You can have all this world,

Just give me Jesus.

These past few years (especially early October and late December of each year) has been difficult. But, in those moments, Jesus Christ gives me hope. So, when I am afraid, anxious, depressed, grieving, just give me Jesus. Because he is why I have joy. Dad, thank you for sharing this joy with me throughout your life, and for continuing to inspire me through the work of the Holy Spirit. Because of a crucified and risen Savior, I know I will see you again. And what a day that will be!

Give Me Jesus by Danny Gokey

What A Day That Will Be by Jim Hill

Camp, Jeremy (note: not original author of hymn, but the lyrics I found are attributed to him). “Give Me Jesus.” AZLyrics. Web. 11 Oct. 2021.

Hill, Jim. “What A Day That Will Be.” Google Play Lyrics. Web. 11 Oct. 2021.

Some thoughts on justice this MLK Day…

by

Nearly every year in the past on the day marking the celebration of the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., I have shared a quote of some kind, but if I’m being honest, most of those times, I’ve never taken time to reflect or pray to God about how I should change myself, how I should advocate, how I should learn and value the experiences of others, or how I should amplify the voices of those still calling for the justice that Dr. King preached.

I’ve thought about what I should say today, and throughout the day so far, no words I’ve considered have seemed to be adequate. I’m not sure if these are either. And words that we say should not only be said today but also lived out every other day of the year. Let me start by saying that BLACK LIVES MATTER. Not only do they matter, but they are loved, they are valuable, and they are created in the image of God, a God who loves them, sees them, and hears them. All lives cannot matter until we recognize, work to ensure, and make it a reality that Black lives matter.

I don’t have all the answers on how we make this a reality, and as a white man who has never faced racial discrimination, I will never fully understand the pain and the struggles that so many BIPOC and other marginalized communities face. But what I can do is listen to and learn from those who have endured racism. I must continually pray that I am not a stumbling block to change but an advocate for it.

Trayvon Martin. Botham Jean. Tamir Rice. Eric Garner. Philando Castille. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd. Elijah McClain. Javier Ambler. Their lives among so many others mattered. And we must not forget the names of Black women who have been killed. Sandra Bland. Atatiana Jefferson. Breonna Taylor, and countless others. All of their lives mattered.

As we say their names, we must raise our voices in pursuit of a society that values all people just as Jesus Christ values all people. This doesn’t include just police and criminal justice reform, but also education, housing, healthcare, voting rights, and so much more. And we must have these conversations. We must not belittle and degrade the experiences and frustrations of those who feel as though an entire system is stacked against them. Listen to them. Listen to their voices. And choose to walk alongside them in their journey.

For me this is what it means to follow Christ. To follow Christ entails learning from others and amplifying the voices of those who are often not being listened to. Isaiah 1:17 teaches us this: “Learn to do good; seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan, plead for the widow” (NRSV).

We must also heed the words of Micah 6:8. “He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (NRSV).

Advocating on behalf of others is an essential part of who I am as a believer in Christ Jesus and as someone in ministry desiring to proclaim the blessed name of Jesus every chance I get. I believe in loving others, because that is what we are called to do. To love others.

In Luke 10, Jesus tells the parable of a Samaritan who cared for a neighbor in need, a neighbor who was different than him. Jesus highlighted the Samaritan as an example for us to emulate. Jesus also showed us in Luke 20-21 that he cared for a widow who was being mistreated. He calls on us to care for widows and orphans, to care for the oppressed.

God calls us to a life of love and justice. While we pray for a revival of our hearts, while we pray for spiritual awakenings, let us also pursue justice. God hears the cries of those hurting, those who are in pain, and those who mourn. I pray that God continually breaks my heart regarding the injustices of this world. I don’t want to become numb to injustice.

God, open my eyes to the sufferings of others. Show me how to love others as you have called me to do. Lead me to help others who are hurting. Lead me to care for others, to listen to the experiences of others, to stand up for others. Lead me to love like Jesus. And as Dr. King loved to quote, “let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream” (Amos 5:24 NRSV).

This is my prayer. Black lives matter to God. They should matter to us too.

Another birthday without you

by

Dear Dad,

A full year has just about gone by without seeing your smile light up the room. I still don’t know how I will make it through many more years. They say it gets easier, and in some ways it does, perhaps, but I still miss you like crazy. There are still days when anxiety and depression seem to get the better of me, and I just wish I could hear you give me some words of encouragement. In the darkest of times, you’ve always pushed me to trust in the sovereignty of a God who watches over us. You never passed up an opportunity to remind me how much Jesus loves me.

Yesterday was another birthday without you. My 26th came just 6 days after your passing. Now, I’m 27. This one was a bit better. The shock and complete numbness wasn’t there as it was last year. I can’t even remember if there were any gifts or sweet treats last year, and obviously I wouldn’t have cared either way, but this year, we had apple pie! Yum! And as a gift, which was a complete surprise, and totally not something I found online and watched Nana order it for me, was a book of devotional prayer by Beth Moore, a talented author and proclaimer of the gospel whose words and preaching has provided a source of comfort to me this past year.

And of course, there was football! Texas crushed Colorado the day before, which I know you would have excitedly jumped up and high-fived me repeatedly had you been here to see it. And since we typically cheer for Oklahoma in their bowl games, guess what? They also crushed it! Baylor didn’t make it to a bowl game this year, but we still have the Aggies to cheer on. I wish I could somehow watch these games with you, but I know you are in a much better place. I cannot begin to fathom the sights in Heaven you are seeing. So, I’ll wait, knowing that one day, you and I will be reunited in Glory in the presence of Christ Jesus.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to wait. Plenty of times, I’m not quite good at it. Especially when I want to turn in a busy intersection. And yet, I’m slowly learning to wait. In this season of Advent, as we have waited to celebrate the birth of Christ, and as we continue to wait for his second coming, I’m also learning to patiently wait until I can see your smile once again. And if I’ve learned anything from you over the years, I know that as I wait, I must encourage others and be a light in the darkness.

I am reminded of the passage in the Gospel of Matthew that tells us to keep watch and to wait. We are encouraged to “keep awake therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42 NRSV). As I wait for Christ to come again, as I wait for the day when I will see you again, I am reminded by Matthew’s words to keep a spiritual awareness. For me, this means being there and uplifting others as you taught me to do. It means striving to amplify the voices of those not being listened to or cared for by others. It means shining the light of Jesus Christ so that others may know the love God has for all of us.

Oh, Dad, I miss you more than words can say. This year has been far from easy, and I know that like many, I’m ready for 2020 to be in the rearview mirror. Although I have made it through this roller coaster year without you, I know you are with me in spirit. As I wait for the glorious day when I will see that awesome smile of yours again, I will press on and be encouraged by your example. Oh, and Dad, just to drop a reference to Avengers: Endgame, the last movie we ever watched together, as I did at your funeral nearly a year ago, I will end by saying this. Dad, I still love you 3000!

Your son,

Joshua

A Psalm of God’s Steadfast Love

by

As the Psalter in Psalm 136 repeats twenty-six times, I will give thanks,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I will give thanks to the One who gives me another day to breathe,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I will give thanks to God, my gracious, Heavenly Father,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave me two amazing grandparents I love most dearly,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who blessed me with a wonderful family,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gifted me amazing friends in each stage of life,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave me nearly 26 years with the most amazing earthly father,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I miss my earthly father, my Superman, beyond words, but he is spending eternity with Christ Jesus,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

O God thank you for the memories with Superman, you give great things,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I thank my God for the love of hymns and Scripture that Superman gave me,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I thank my God for all the movies, binge-watching, and football games,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I thank my God for Superman’s love for others, for amplifying the voices of those society seeks to silence,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

I thank my God for giving me a loving earthly Dad, my Superman, who was my strongest supporter,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

In the best of times, in the darkest of times, God is with me,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who encouraged me and sustained me in my battles with depression and anxiety,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave my Superman hope, even as the chemo dripped into his body,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave my Superman a song to sing, even as he was leaving his earthly home,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave me a Superman who sang to me, “Because He Lives” when I was a young child,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave me a Superman who led us in the same song just weeks before his death,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who allowed Superman and me to see the mighty Mississippi,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who granted Superman and me the gift of traveling through the mountains of North Carolina,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who gave Superman and me the memory of taking the Sandia Peak Tramway up the mountain in Albuquerque, NM,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who blessed Superman and me in seeing the magnificent hues of a sunrise over the Grand Canyon,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who floods me with amazing memories of Superman and will one day reunite us in Glory,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

Who won’t let me be defeated amidst the grief, pain, agony, and tears,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

O give thanks to a magnificent God, a God of hope, for He has done great things,

For his steadfast love endures forever.

“BE THERE!” by Ronnie Stewart

by

SupermanCrusader

When I started my blog several years ago, I asked Dad if he ever wanted to be a guest blogger on my website. On December 24, 2019, Dad breathed his last breath on Earth. At that moment, he defeated cancer and celebrated in the presence of God Almighty. This has been certainly been a difficult journey that my family and I have been through, but it is one we are enduring with Christ walking alongside as. In spirit, Dad also continues to walk with us and inspire us daily. Earlier, I found this blog that he had written and emailed to me on December 14, 2016. At that point, he had gone through two rounds of cancer and defeated them both. Here are some reflections he shared that we never got around to publishing. I hope that his words will inspire you as they have done so for me. He simply titled the post, “BE THERE!” His words are in a roman font (not italicized).

Seeing ourselves and others like GOD does, I believe, is the greatest gift we can give to each other. You truly never know what someone else’s journey holds and the hardships they have endured in their daily walk. Finishing our race and running it well should be more like a marathon race where we help each other complete the race before us.

December is a difficult month for me because of the various tests that I have to go through and the memories that it brings back to me. The second chemo “trial” that I went through made my hair fall out and sores pop up all over my body. I could only see the ugliness and wanted to hide from everyone and myself. God impressed upon me that the reflection that I was hung up on wasn’t the same reflection He saw and loved unconditionally. He didn’t care that I was bald because He numbered every hair that fell out and had already numbered every hair that would replace the lost ones.

During our trials and tribulations, I believe we become closer to our loved ones than we ever could imagine. When I couldn’t raise my head, I could focus on mom’s “sparkle” shoes and realize she was with me. Joshua would pat my forehead with a cool cloth, and I knew he was with me. Dad would make me scrambled eggs, and I knew he was with me. My brothers and sisters cheered me on, and I knew they were with me. My friends at work let me be lazy and fed me well, and I knew they were with me. Facebook friends encouraged me and built me up on a daily basis, and I knew they were with me. Most importantly, GOD was with me and I talked to Him a lot, and He listened to me ramble on and on. GOD’s always with me.

By no means am I sharing my experiences because I want sympathy or someone to feel bad for me. I encourage Joshua not to dwell in the valley, but to marvel at the mountaintop experiences. I hope I encourage someone to be there for someone. There’s always someone worse off and needs to be lifted up, and sometimes even carried. We can lift others up by encouraging words and sometimes just a smile. Please continue to pray for those that fight or have lost someone.

GOD is good all the time!

Dad wanted some verses added, so here are a few that come to mind:

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace. (Acts 20:24 NIV)

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV)

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31 NIV)

1 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. (Philippians 2:1-7 ESV)

You’ll Never Walk Alone by David Phelps

Flawless by MercyMe

A life well-celebrated!

by

Dadhasmynose2

Dear Superman,

Well. It’s been 12 days since you breathed your last breath here on Earth. It doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. It feels like it was only a day or two ago. Each day, I miss you more and more. I’ve heard it gets easier over time. I’m waiting. It’s not getting easier yet. It’s starting to sink in, I think. I would give anything to hear one more joke or watch one more Good Mythical Morning YouTube clip with you. I am filled with joy in that you are living in Heaven for an eternity free of pain. At the same time, I find myself trying to balance that joy with the grief I have in not seeing your smile anymore.

Okay. Now I’m crying. I still have occasional anxiety attacks. I miss you so much. Does time really make this any easier? I have my doubts.

We celebrated your life the last two days. There were so many people at your visitation. We were sharing so many memories. Some of your high school friends were sharing with me about your goofy antics. After every story, I realize more and more that I am your son. Maybe I’ll carry on some of that goofiness in your honor. I also learned that you had a detective agency when you were little. That’s cool!

Some of my closest friends from high school and college came to pay their respects. The Earps and Daniells were there. So were the Montgomerys. Michael, Jamie, and Kenzie stopped by. Karen Standridge did too. Bryson, our sweet cousin, entertained as always. You had high school friends, college buddies, coworkers from Channel 25, Florence and Georgetown ISD, and plenty of others. The Segrests visited from Waco. I go to church with them now. They hugged Nana and told her they would help take care of me in Waco. You’d like them. There were so many hugs. Not sure who gave the best one. Perhaps our friend Serena from GISD. She gives good hugs.

Yesterday was the graveside service. There were so many people there. Dad, you were loved by so many. From each chapter of your life and mine, people came to celebrate just how awesome you were and how much you meant to us. I kinda goofed on the registry book. I forgot to make it accessible for everyone to sign. Nana counted 50 something who did sign. I would say there were close to 30-40 additional people who were there. They wore their superhero and college shirts.

Many of your classmates from high school and college were there. Some of your Channel 25 buddies were too. Quite a few of your former coworkers from Florence and Georgetown were there. Mrs. Petty gave me a sweet hug. Erin Conaway, the pastor of Seventh & James, was there. So were some of my Truett friends. Sarah Kuczek and I talked about football. Kirsten Parker and her mom sent me a photo of themselves afterward. They were wearing a Longhorn and a Superman shirt just for you. So many people that I can’t name them all. They were there to celebrate YOU!

The service was amazing. And with perfect weather! Mark Fitzwater filmed it for our family. Your friend Scott Zajicek sang Amazing Grace just as you asked him to. Wes Willie shared some details of your life and sang 10,000 Reasons. Roy Smith prayed a sweet prayer as he often does. Sally Russell read Psalm 23. Greggory and Amberlee sang your favorite song, “When I Cry.” They could not have done so more beautifully. Michael Baker sang the song you sang to me when I was little. It’s our favorite. You know? Because He Lives. I love that song. Then he sang “Sanctuary,” and Shawn Shannon closed with a wonderful benediction.

You asked me months ago to preach at the service. Well. I did my best. I preached. I also sang a little. Not exactly my comfort zone, but I wanted to sing for you. Remember when we would sing at Lawler Baptist for 3rd Sunday Singings each month. I loved singing specials with you. Oh, what I would give for just one more 3rd Sunday Singing with you. The last time we sang in front of people together was when I was in middle school I think. Also, I think that was the last time I sang in front of a crowd until yesterday. So many wonderful memories. I miss you so much. I also dropped a Marvel reference just for you, and I’ll say it again. Dad, I love you 3000!

During the reception, there were so many jokes and so much laughter. I know that’s what you would want and that is to enjoy each other’s company as we remembered all of the fun times we had with you. There was plenty of food thanks to your friends, Karen, Monica, and others from GHS, your high school friends, and cookies from Lawler and FBC Florence. Also, Bryson entertained there as well. Man, I love that little guy!

Some of your high school classmates asked me to take a photo with them. In honor of the goofball you were, they wanted me to lie across their laps. Apparently, there is a photo of you doing that when you were in high school. Of course, there is! I will miss your goofiness. You were always the life of any party or get-together.

FlorenceFriends

Dad, now is the difficult part. Now I must find a new normal. But I don’t want a new normal. A new normal, if there is such a thing, means that you’re not here physically. Not here to laugh, tell jokes, yell at the television set with me when our football teams aren’t doing well (or when the officials make a bad call). Not here to give an encouraging word. I want your advice. Dad, how am I supposed to do this? I miss you so much. I’m waiting for your prankster self to tell me that I’ve been epically punk’d, but I know better.

As I feel these feelings, as I experience this hurt, I know you’re in a better place. I am rejoicing in that fact. I look forward to the day when I will see you again. WHAT A DAY THAT WILL BE! Until then, see you later Superman. Again, I love you 3000!

(Yes, I just called you Superman and made a Marvel reference. Would you have it any other way?)

Love,

Joshua

Psalm 23 (NKJV)

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

My first birthday without you

by

Dadhasmynose2

Dear Superman,

I turned 26 today. Part of me wishes you were here to celebrate with me, but I take comfort and am joyful that you are spending my birthday in the presence of our Savior. You are free of pain and I cannot begin to fathom what you must be seeing right now. I wish I could see some of those sights.

Today has been the hardest since your passing just 6 days ago. Every so often, I wait for you to peek around the corner and wish me a Happy Birthday, but somehow, I know better. I know you are in a much better place and will always be with me in spirit. So why am I so saddened? Why does my heart hurt so much?

I spent most of the day looking at old photos of you. An entire lifetime of your joyful smiles. I also know where I get my goofiness. If didn’t know already, I would surely have figured out by looking at photos of your younger years.

There was mostly laughter and smiles as I was looking at photos of you. Then I came across one of us. I was a toddler and you, I think, were trying to get my nose. You didn’t succeed since I clearly still have one. As I stared at that photo, I saw the love you had for me. I know I brought you joy. You did the same for me.

Oh, Dad. This is all too difficult. Shayla told me the time you told everyone else to gang up on me in our silly string wars. I would give anything to have one more silly string war with you. To laugh with you again. To joke with you again.

My precious cousin, Jasmine visited. You would be so proud of her and the amazing mom she is to Bryson. I know you loved that sweet boy. He loved you too. I wish I could see your face again light up with joy at Bryson’s cute playfulness.

Dad, I’ll be honest. If it wasn’t for everyone wishing me a Happy Birthday, I might not have remembered today was the day. It’s so different without you. My heart aches without you. And yet, I have hope and peace and joy. You are the reason I have these things. Hope. Peace. Joy.

Among the many photographs, I also came across a letter you wrote to your Grandma Cozy around your first Father’s Day as my Dad. You shared with her a devotional you gave. It’s in your handwriting. Do you mind if I share some of it?

“I had my mother ask my grandmother what I should give my devotional on because I wanted my first devotional to be for her.

Ma Ma quickly replied ‘Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! By their living! By their loving… She also told Mom that I had to find it myself… Psalm 107 verse 2. I found it.

This verse means to me that I need to live a good Christian life so others will see me glorifying Jesus. It also tells me to have a love that is patient and forgiving of others.”

It continues, but I’ll save the rest for me for now. You weren’t with me physically to give me a birthday gift, yet you still gave me one. I will cherish this letter and your words for years to come.

You have inspired me so much in life. Even though you are no longer physically with me, you continue to inspire me. Thank you for this faith you taught me to have in Christ Jesus. I miss you more than words can say. I cannot wait to be reunited with you. It will happen before you know it. As Jessy Dixon would sing, “Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King!” See you later, Superman!

Love,

Joshua

Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,

Whom He has redeemed from the hand

of the enemy.

Psalm 107:2 NKJV

In Loving Memory: A Pilgrim Witness for the Gospel (1966-2019)

by

PilgrimWitnessDad

I remember the first time I thought about blogging in early 2015. Dad was excited for me and would always share my posts with others. Now, nearly five years later, I said my earthly goodbyes to my wonderful Superman on Christmas Eve 2019. This is the most difficult blog post I have ever written, not because God isn’t giving me words to say as I type, but because I am still trying to process what life will look like without the physical presence of Dad.

He had been living his last month and a half in my grandparents’ living room. I slept in a bed behind a curtain so I could respond when he called for help. So I could also just simply be near him. I remember sleeping in his bed in my much younger years when I had nightmares. Now I was close to him to respond to his nightmares. Last night, when I accidentally moved the curtains, for a split second, I waited for him to call out to me. He didn’t. I am in pain. I am hurting. I am having so many anxiety attacks. I am not okay. Yet the glorious truth is that in Christ Jesus it is okay to not be okay. As I am weeping, our Savior weeps with me.

I also know that my faith sustains me. My faith in God assures me that Dad is no longer in pain. He is spending eternity with our Heavenly Father. He breathed his last breath with us at 6:50 PM in the presence of family and friends. His next breath was in the presence of Christ. It wasn’t labored. He didn’t have to struggle for that breath. It must have been a joyous and peaceful breath. And oh what he must have seen. I can only imagine. I wish I could for a split second see even one-hundredth of a percent of the glorious splendor in front of him. So much more magnificent than the Grand Canyon Dad and I were blessed to enjoy together in 2016. I take joy in knowing that I will one day join him and see all of the sights with my own eyes.

If you ever want to know who inspired me most on this Earth to pursue ministry and a seminary education, I’ll tell you. My Dad. From an early age, he gave me a love of Scripture by reading to me the stories of the Bible. He used hymnals and Gaither VHS tapes to help me fall in love with music that glorifies our Creator. We even had a game where he would whistle a hymn and I would have to guess which song he was whistling. I never could whistle, so when it was my turn, I would hum a song. What wonderful memories this little game gave us.

In my first semester at Baylor University’s George W. Truett Theological Seminary, I was grateful for the support of caring professors who showed me kindness and love in this difficult season. In one of my classes, Dr. Mike Stroope discussed how we might look beyond just the traditional language of mission and share the love of Christ intentionally with everyone we meet in every circumstance. He used a term that has stuck with me since. Pilgrim Witness. As we pilgrim throughout life’s journey, and as we meet people along the way, we are, as Christians, to witness to others through our words and actions. How we treat others is our witness. I have thought about this term quite a bit lately and it came to me that Dad is the best example I can think of as a pilgrim witness.

Everything I saw in Dad was someone who loved others and I have seen his heart break far too often on behalf of others. I cannot imagine a more faithful pilgrim witness. Throughout my life, Dad has loved me, comforted me, encouraged me, fought for me, and has guided me more times than I could ever count. When I fell as a little kid, he would pick me up. When I was sick with chickenpox or hospitalized before my fourth-grade year, he took care of me. When I started having symptoms of Crohn’s Disease in high school, he took me to countless appointments and hospital procedures. When an emergency surgery had me worried that I would miss my high school graduation, he was there to tell jokes and cheer me up. During my UMHB years, we went to so many football games and worship events together. When I gave an academic presentation of my research on William Wilberforce, he was there. There are so many other examples, I can’t count them all.

He was a pilgrim witness to me, but also to others. I have heard from several of his friends who were blessed by his presence during his years working at Channel 25 in Waco in the 90s. For the past two decades, he helped my grandparents care for their foster children and eventually their adopted kids (his brothers and sisters) once they became permanent members of our family. They have so many stories of their own that I have been blessed to enjoy hearing over the past few weeks. Since 2005, he worked in Special Education as either a paraprofessional or as a teacher, and he poured his heart into so many kids. I always felt as if I knew so many of them personally even though I had never met most of them. He loved those kids. I will miss his stories of them and the ideas he shared with me on how to make their lives more fun while at school. He was the kind of person who would help supply kids with food, clothes, and shoes if they needed them. His coworkers over the years have shared with me how much he encouraged them as well. And any time he saw injustice in the world while watching the news, I often saw his heart break for either trafficked kids or victims of hate crime. There are so many other reasons that he was the ultimate pilgrim witness that it seems impossible to name them all.

Dad meant the world to me, and even though his physical presence is no longer with me, he is still with me through the Holy Spirit. Oh, that I might be just a small fraction of the pilgrim witness that was my Dad. For now, I will rejoice that he is no longer in pain. He is celebrating eternity with the Father. So, you will never hear me say that he lost his battle to cancer. No. He beat cancer. Cancer has been defeated. He did that. God did that through him. He had victory over death thanks to the gift of Christ’s victory over death.

I want to see what he is seeing. I want to smell, taste, hear, and feel what he is smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling. Right now, all I can do is imagine. Honestly, I cannot wait. Even if I live for 70 more years without my Dad, those 7 decades will pale in comparison to the eternity we will spend together. What a day that will be!

“Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His temple. And He who sits on the throne will dwell among them. They shall neither hunger anymore nor thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any heat; for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7:15-17 NKJV).

Dad, you have fought the good fight. You have finished the race. You have kept the faith (see 2 Timothy 4:7 NKJV). I love you with all my heart, beyond description. Until that glorious day when we shall see each other once again, see you later Superman!

This Is Just What Heaven Means to Me by Vestal Goodman

Oh Happy Day by Walter Hawkins, Leann Faine, and Angela Spivey