The countdown has begun, or I should say it has been going for some time. The summer is almost over, and I realize that I only have two full weeks here at home before returning to UMHB to do Cru Leader training and begin a new exciting semester of learning. In just several weeks, I will see friends who I have not seen since last year, I will become involved with the BSM (Baptist Student Ministries) once again, I will order new books, and get excited for all God has in store for me in the upcoming year.

As I have thought about all that this new school year has in store, and all the ways I will be involved socially, academically, and spiritually, I thought about the word complacency. With all the excitement, comes responsibility and occasionally stress, and not necessarily the bad kind of stress, but stress that nonetheless keeps you busy accomplishing goals. It’s no surprise, but being a college student does entail some level of stress, and balancing academic goals with extracurricular activities and leading ministries is important.

So back to the word complacency… The question that comes to mind is, “Will I become complacent with my spiritual journey? Will my faith become static?”

I don’t question whether or not I have faith, whether or not I love God, because I most certainly do. But growing in Him is something in which all believers should strive for. As I begin a semester filled with so many responsibilities, and as I start all the studying, homework, essays, projects, and exams, will I lay all my worries and cares at His feet? Will I surrender all and rely on Him? I would hope the answer to these questions is a definite YES!

My hope and prayer is that I wouldn’t become too overconfident in a way that I think I can manage all of these responsibilities on my own. I hope that my faith wouldn’t become stagnant, and that I continue to rely on Him, pray, study His Word and not think that I can do all of this myself.

Proverbs 3:5 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (NIV). Rather than relying only on what I can do by myself, it is my desire to lean completely on the Lord and grow in Him.

There are times when I realize how much my faith in Christ has grown over the years, yet I want it to keep growing. I don’t want to become complacent and indirectly tell myself, “Well my faith has grown. I like it at this level.” I want it to keep growing. It’s hard to imagine (in fact it’s quite indescribable) what a closer relationship with Christ would be like when you feel that you’ve never been this close before. Yet I yearn for even a closer walk with Him.

I want to be drawn close to Him, to dwell in His presence. As Psalm 27:4 (NIV) states: “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” I want a faith that grows, one in which I completely dwell with Him and seek Him.

And so I ask God, “Give me a spirit of brokenness. Break me, use me, mold me, and cause me to rely fully on you and not my own devices. Give me the desire to seek you daily and whatever trials life may throw at me, use them to bring me closer and closer to you. Never let me stray from you. Never allow me to think that I can handle all of the stresses of life on my own. I know I will face challenges, because challenges are a part of life. So use those challenges for your glory. As you use them to bring me closer to you as I rely more and more on you, use those same challenges to reach others and inspire others to also have a closer relationship with you.”

So what do I mean by having a spirit of brokenness? What I mean is that I don’t want to be too prideful and think that I can do everything on my own. I don’t want to take for granted the love God has for me to the point that I don’t grow in my walk with Him. I simply want my faith to grow and not become stagnant. I don’t want to be complacent with where I am and not grow.

Life is full of challenges and I never want those challenges to either weaken my faith or cause me to remain stagnant and not grow in my faith. The idea of having this sense of brokenness reminds me of a song sung by some friends, Paul and Vanessa Cherry, who travel to different churches to lead their revivals. One of my favorite songs they sing (I still have their CD), originally by Greater Vision, is “Spirit of Brokenness.”

Spirit of Brokenness

I remember the night so long ago,
The first time I called Your name;
Empty and broken, ashamed of my sin,
I asked if this sinner You’d save.
But the cares of life have darkened the light,
And I feel like I’m drifting away.
So break me, mold me, cleanse me, then hold me,
I want to be near You today.

Lord, give me a spirit of brokenness,
Like You gave when I first called Your name.
And replace all my pride with humility,
Lord, a broken, willing vessel I’ll be.

I never set out to drift into sin,
My intentions are never to stray;
But my flesh is weak, and I’m so prone to fall,
Like a child I go my own way;
‘Til I hear Your cry from deep down inside,
Saying, “Go back to Calvary again.
There you’ll see my flesh opened and my spirit broken,
Then surely your drifting will end.”
  
Lord, give me a spirit of brokenness,
Like You gave when I first called Your name.
And replace all my pride with humility,
Lord, a broken, willing vessel I’ll be.

I still remember when I was in middle school and was unsure of my faith. When I recommitted myself to Him and asked Him to be in my life and use me, I remember what a great feeling that was. I wasn’t this perfect little kid without problems when I called on Him. I was broken, hurt, worried about the weeks and months ahead. Yet I surrendered myself to Christ and asked Him to take away my pride and use this broken person for His glory.

As a believer in Christ, I still yearn to be drawn even closer to Him. So, my hope and prayer is that I never take my faith for granted. I want to have a sense of being broken down so that this wonderful Savior can use all these broken pieces and mold them into an instrument for His glory.

Lord, make me humble, erase my pride, break me, mold me, and use me. Let me continue to grow in you and rely fully on you. Never let me think that I can do any of this all by myself. My intentions aren’t to stray from my walk with you, but when I do, bring me back to your wonderful majesty.

Give me a spirit of brokenness!

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Greater Vision. Spirit of Brokenness. By Rodney Griffin, 1996. Christiansongoftheday.blogspot.com. Web. 27 July. 2015.

New International Version. Bible Gateway. Web. 27 July. 2015.

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Spirit of Brokenness by Greater Vision

Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong Worship